just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
