I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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