apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
