We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
