He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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