So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
