she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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