I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
