I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
