If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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