If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
