bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
