i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
