I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
