all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
