Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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