I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
