Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
