I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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