Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize