So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
