she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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