dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
