my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
