If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
