"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
