yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
