Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
