Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
