I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
