Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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