when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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