i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
