The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
