he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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