if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
