She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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