he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
