yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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