What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
