i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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