dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Randomize
