Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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