Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
