Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
