my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
