Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize