you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
