There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
