That's intense
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
