When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
