So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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