3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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