remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
