I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
