so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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