I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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