So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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