dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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