remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
