i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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