My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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