There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
