Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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