My first STD was from a foam party
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
