I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
