I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
