I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
