Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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