I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
