I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
