My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
