But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
