Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
