8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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