she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
