Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
