She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
