Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
