why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
