In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize