my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize