you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
