oh god the rape fog is back!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
