I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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