You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
