dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you win again, gameday.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
