i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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