And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
