I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
