On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
