just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
