I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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