her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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