Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
