I am puke
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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