So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
