We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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