I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
