I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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