the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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