I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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