remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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