I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
