it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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