i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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