I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
