bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
