dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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