So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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